"God sometimes you just don't come through.
Do you need a woman to look after you?"
Tori Amos - God
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:: Word-s-Lost... ::
:: <2003.04.29> :: <Who Knows> ::




and then there's the meaningless indoor banter. blank stares at the screen and at the wall. so much time just sitting. and thinking. never amounting to anything remotely useful. stupid little collections and trinkets. i don't even care about it. it could all burn down and i wouldn't care. just give me a sad story. and a sad song. and some look like i should feel sorry for it. you don't know the thoughts in my head. i don't even know the thoughts in my head. i forgot the thoughts in my head. i wonder how many people sat here. wondering what to do with themselves. writing stupid little lines of code like it'll unlock some kind of tucked away feeling or setiment that was somehow lost. I wonder if they thought about who'd come and do the same. leaving little notes that they know perfectly well won't ever be answered. just moving along and pretending like it's all perfectly OK. just a misplaced thought of something else that wasn't ever there. it's all so pointless. it's all so meaningfull. it's all just somewhere in the middle. do do dodo. do do do dooododo.

BEGIN

my ability to form the words seems to have died off. taken a nap. gone on vacation. raising a family. taking pictures of the snow. something. i just can't focus anymore. can't even be creative with it. without it. stream of conscious is so cliched. all i have now is a look out a window. trees and buds and people outside. i just can't relate. i like the snow on the branches. the ice weighing everything down. the depressing little perks that seem to bother everyone but me. all i can do is look. and listen. and go on and on and on. this path i travel and travel over and over. a few steps behind and regrets in front and behind.



:: comments (6) :: </Who Knows> :: </2003.04.29> ::


:: Mister Anonymous Part One... ::
:: <04.23.2003> :: <Ugly Joe> ::
My day started off very emo. There was snow and headphones and all that forlorn crap. Now, however, the snow has stopped. It's a bit warm outside. And I'm listening to Mindless Self Indulgence...which is about as far away from emo as it gets. Oh well. A sturdy nap has removed three hours from my day and given me a second chance on being productive. HA!

Trust me, I'm downright frightening when I'm productive.

For example, I managed to code that thing I was talking about in primarily two nights. The end product is the Lost Desk Department (which is at http://ldd.ximwix.net). Since I know a bunch of people who don't run blogs since they are so lazy and would update infrequently, I decided to throw together what I call a 'community blog.' I figure if each of these people would update about once a month on their own site, and I can get five or six people, then things should work out pretty well. Unless they all update in the same week or something. Foolishness and poppycock!

I did read some of that Indie book. It's really good, but has adverse effects on me. It has the ability to rise old pent up angsty rage and such. I'll be sitting there reading it, and if someone came and tapped on my shoulder I swear I'd cuss them out and punch them in the face or something. The key word here is 'limited dosages.' Other effects include making me wish I followed some kind of scene a lot more than I did. At this point I look at what I intend NoisE to be...and then I look at Epitonic and am just like...it's possible.

So...ten minutes or so later and I'm still listening to Mindless Self Indulgence. The thing with these guys is that you'll listen to them and think, "this isn't all that great." And then you hit stop and are like, "well, i guess one more song." No band does it quite like these guys. You'd have to hear it to understand...though I kinda reccomend that you don't...
:: status :: comments (0) :: </Ugly Joe> :: </04.23.2003> ::


:: Don't degrade yourself the way that I do... ::
:: <2003.04.23> :: <Ugly Joe> ::


Yes. That is snow. Spring thought it had overthrown winter, but it was merely a rouse. Sure, sure. It was sunny out, the flowers bloomed, new grass was planted, people were outside, and sacks were being hackied. Meanwhile, winter sat in the background, waiting for just the right moment to crush spring's gentle spirit. Today was that day. I'm awake at 7:30 am, eyes still blurry, but I can see the snow falling outside. And I smile. Going to my 8am class in the snow again. Headphones adorned and Bright Eyes lulling the half-mile walk. It almost makes waking up this early worthwhile. In the library after class, I got a seat with a better view. I finally read a bit of that book I bought a while back. Mostly, though, I just watched the snow fall, listening to music, and blocked out everything else.

It's been a good morning.
:: comments (0) :: </Ugly Joe> :: </2003.04.23> ::


:: This is the gloaming... ::
:: <2003.04.17> :: <Ugly Joe> ::
Sorry for the lack of real updates. I've been working on some things. More on that later. This week has been utter crap. Tests and projects and other assignments due. College is so much worse when you try to get good grades. However...

...college is much more fun when you're downloading stuff that you shouldn't legally have. First, Radiohead's new album, "Hail to the Thief" (due out in June) got leaked. It is, apparently, not the finished product. From what I can hear, however, it is friggin' awesome. It's kinda like Kid A but a bit more structured. I almost think that they did this on purpose, though. I mean, I haven't bought a Radiohead album since The Bends. If what I have now is a different version than the actual album, I may have to go out and buy it so I can hear how it is really supposed to sound. Besides, cymbals sound like utter crap in mp3 (and even worse in wma, i've found out).

Slightly less illegal is the newly translated SNES game "Radical Dreamers." The game is based on the Chrono Trigger series...sorta. It has characters that appear in Chrono Chross, so it's like an inbetween game. It's nothing like either game, however. It resembles more of a 'choose your own adventure' book. I used to read those things all the time (which reminds me, if anyone knows of some kind of online copy of either of Stine's 'Hark' books, let me know...not that you will...). The translation is done very well. It almost makes me want to try and write my own...hrm....

As far as the site goes, I'm working on a bit of a community project. I don't really want to get into it...so I won't.

Since my week basically ends on wednesday nights, I'm gonna sleep in tomorrow and do pretty much nothing. I like my Thursdays.
:: comments (2) :: </Ugly Joe> :: </2003.04.17> ::


:: I can't form the words ::
:: <2003.04.11> :: <Ugly Joe> ::


:: status :: comments (65) :: </Ugly Joe> :: </2003.04.11> ::